


trading up

by xenosaurus



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Love Confessions, a lot of that, you know that feeling when you love someone a whole lot but they don't value themselves much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23082601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenosaurus/pseuds/xenosaurus
Summary: Tabris takes a deep breath and runs a hand through her hair.  “Okay, before I say this, I know that this is going to expose me aswaymore selfish than a warden is supposed to be."
Relationships: Alistair/Female Tabris (Dragon Age), Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 90





	trading up

**Author's Note:**

> look sometimes you just gotta write people being nice to alistair
> 
> thank you to my lovely beta, benny, for your help <3

Alistair is on watch after Tabris tonight. It’s his favorite arrangement-- someone shaking you awake in the middle of the night is never _fun_ , but Tabris likes to sit with him for a few minutes after she does it. She talks quietly in those moments, leaning in close so he can hear her and smiling at his sleep-addled clumsiness like it’s something charming instead of foolish.

It’s not such a bad way to wake up, really.

Tonight is different. From the moment she wakes him up, he knows something is wrong. There’s tension in her shoulders still, and her expression is set and solemn.

“Tabris?” he asks, sitting up. For a brief, stupid moment, he thinks maybe they’re under attack. Never mind that she would have woken _everyone_ up, not only him-- she just looks that serious.

“I need to talk to you,” she says after an uncomfortable pause. Alistair’s stomach dips-- no good conversation starts that way.

“R-Right now?” he stammers. “In the middle of the night?”

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, I’m not going to scold you,” Tabris says, but she sounds oddly resigned, like she doesn’t want to have whatever conversation they’re about to have either. “It’s just… embarrassing.”

That takes Alistair off guard. “What? After that trial at the temple, I’d assumed you couldn’t get embarrassed.”

He pauses, momentarily caught by the memory of Tabris stripping down to her smallclothes within arm’s reach, shameless and bold. He’d flushed hot and nervous every time he looked at her for the duration of that stupid trial. Now is _really_ not the time to be dwelling on how pathetically attracted to her he is.

“Actually, it’s sort of… about the temple,” Tabris says, still drawing out her words as though she’s dreading the end of the sentence.

_Shit._

“I _swear_ I wasn’t trying to look, it’s really hard to talk to someone and not look at them--”

Tabris laughs, covering her mouth to smother the sound. The tension in the moment drops suddenly. “It’s not that! Come on. I’ll sit with you on watch, we can talk.”

Alistair is still nervous as he follows her to the edge of camp, but he tries to breathe through it. Tabris has been angry at him before, for the whole “secret prince” thing, and this wasn’t how she’d acted then.

She waits until they’re actually sitting before she starts talking again.

“So. Just to get it out of the way-- this has nothing to do with you taking a few guilty glances at my tits.”

Alistair’s face burns and he laughs nervously. “Oh! Ha! Yes, that… that might have happened. I’m very sorry.”

Tabris chuckles. “Believe me, Alistair, I didn’t mind.”

There’s a beat of uncomfortable silence. It makes Alistair feel impossibly jittery.

“So… what _do_ you want to talk about, then?”

Tabris takes a deep breath and runs a hand through her hair. “Okay, before I say this, I know that this is going to expose me as _way_ more selfish than a warden is supposed to be, and it’s probably insensitive too. But I’ve been thinking about it since we left that temple and it’s eating into my sleep more than the darkspawn dreams at this point.”

Alistair isn’t sure if he’s more baffled or worried. “Oh, well. Go ahead, then,” he says, because he has no idea what she’s about to drop on him.

“You said things would be better if you died and Duncan lived, and I think you’re wrong,” Tabris blurts out. Alistair stares at her, but she starts talking again before he can manage a response.

“I mean, maybe Ferelden would be better off if we had a more experienced warden on the team. We haven’t got a year’s experience between the two of us, and it’s been uphill the whole way. Everything is kind of terrible? But-- But I wouldn’t trade you for Duncan. I wouldn’t trade you for _anyone_. I don’t _care_ if it would improve our odds, because on the days when I’m cold and tired and hurting, the only thing that keeps me getting up in the morning is knowing I’m going to see you at breakfast.”

She hesitates, then finally looks at him. Her expression is intense and serious, and the light catches in her eyes like a cat’s. It’s like she’s stolen the air from his lungs.

“I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I really care about you. So, maybe it’s selfish, but… I’m glad you’re the one who lived.”

Alistair finally manages a breath, a shaky exhale. “Wow. I’m-- I’m trying to come up with something witty to say but-- I can’t. That’s the kindest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“So we’re-- okay, then? I was afraid you’d be angry. That I was… I don’t know, belittling your grief or something.”

“No! I actually kind of… feel the same way about you. ”

Tabris smiles, but Alistair barely catches a glimpse of it before she ducks her head, shy. “In that case… I actually have another question for you.”

“Anything,” Alistair says, leaning closer to her.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Oh!” Alistair is sure he’s making a ridiculous face, but Tabris doesn’t seem discouraged. “I-- Yes!”

Tabris turns towards him, putting one hand on Alistair’s knee and reaching the other one up to place it on the back of his neck. Her hands are rough and well-worn against his skin; he can feel her calluses, the scratch of the dead skin at the edges of hastily-healed cuts and scrapes. Even seated, he’s quite a bit taller than her, so the hand on his neck serves as her leverage when she pulls him down to kiss him. He goes willingly, dizzy with how badly he wants this.

He closes his eyes, he knows enough to get that right, but he has no idea where _his_ hands are supposed to be. The kiss itself is awkward and clumsy-- one of them tilts their head the wrong way and their noses get in the way. Tabris laughs, stops kissing him to press her smile against his cheek instead, and Alistair gives in to temptation and wraps his arms around her. She hugs him back, falling halfway into his lap to get closer.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Tabris says, quietly, like a secret.

“I’m really glad I’m here too,” Alistair says, and his attempt at a joke does nothing to lessen the way his voice comes out shaky and awed.

Tabris laughs anyways, and holds him so, so tight.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is [xenosaurus](https://xenosaurus.tumblr.com/), come say hello


End file.
